I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
