I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize