Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
