Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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