But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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