I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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