hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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