If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
