If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
