sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
