these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
