It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
