The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
