You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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