Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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