his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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