Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
