honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
