why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
