I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
