"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
