One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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