I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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