so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize