sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My balls are so social today.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
