Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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