Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
