Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
