My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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