I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
