Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
