He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
