A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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