You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize