the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
