Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
