I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
