I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
