Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
