yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
