If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
