He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
