i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
