if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
