I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize