Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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