so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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