He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
