like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
