So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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