I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
