Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
