my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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