the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
