i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
