I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
