I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
