Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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