Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize