ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
