I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
