weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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