I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
