you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize